Pain=Death

I cannot handle all of the pain in my life. I cannot handle fighting my own demons. My pain is starting to get overwhelming, it is bringing me down.  Down a road that I have no clue where it goes. What will I find, what will be there at the end of the road?  Perhaps I don’t want to know the answer to this question. Nobody can understand where I am coming from. Like when I think about my death, I will embrace it, even though I am scared what is going to happen to me. I say that I will embrace it, because when your dead, you cannot feel, and when you cannot feel, there is no pain.End of story. I guess I need to work on how to deal with my pain, because I don’t think I will die anytime soon. I have been married for a week, and I do not think I could ask for a better wife. Sure we get into arguments, but she understands my faults, and supports me. But the arguments I hate, because most of the time it is my fault, because of all the insecurities I have. I hate myself for what I’ve become-Nine Inch Nails. I just want to feel good about myself. While I am still here on this planet, I might as well feel good right?  Even though a part of me does not want to feel anything.Who the fuck knows. It changes from one day to the next. But one thing is for sure, I need to stay strong for my wife. She counts on me being here, and the feeling is mutual. But I will end with a quote from Frederick Douglas, ” Without struggle, there is no progress”. Thanks for reading, and any feedback is welcomed. Remember to stay strong….

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