I am so frustrated with myself. I am having problems sexually with my girlfriend Clarissa. I mean she isn’t the problem, I am the problem. Like for instance, tonight we set the mood, lit incense, gave each other massages, played Enya, and just lost ourselves in one another. When it came to sexual intercourse, I could only maintain an erection for like a minute or something. Since we have been together, I haven’t been able to reach orgasm while having intercourse. I never had this issue before, so I am wondering what the hell is going on. Grant it, I haven’t had sex in 5 1/2 years, so I am wondering if this is playing a part. I don’t know, but after tonight I totally lost it. I cried my eyes out, and could not stop. I mean there is nothing I want more than to reach an orgasm with her. She is the best woman I have ever been with, and I cannot share this part of me with her. I feel so awful for putting her through this. But we made an appointment to see a sex therapist, so I hope he has some answers. She is also being really supportive. In a way I feel like I do not deserve this. I don’t know, but if I were to lose her to this, I don’t think I could live anymore. The pain and hurt would be to extreme for me. I could not live knowing I have lost the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I know this may seem odd posting about my sex life, but I thought if I blogged about it, I would feel a little better. And I do. Please Clarissa just know that I love you dearly, and you are the most beautiful person in my life. Thank you so much for the memories we have shared, and I cannot wait to make more memories. I love you Sweets.
Thanks again for reading, and stay strong….