Confusion

I have been so confused lately. With the way I am feeling, and the way I am expressing these emotions and feelings. One minute I am happy, one minute I am sad, and one minute I am angry. It keeps bouncing back and forth. I don’t know if this is bi-polar, or if this is just life? It is taking its toll on me though. I feel so  exhausted all the time. I have no energy to do anything. I lie in bed trying to figure out what’s causing so much turmoil in my life. I’m not sulking, at least I do not think I am. Just confused.  I ask myself what can I do to better myself? What can I do to pull myself out of this funk? Needless to say I am clueless. A friend of mine said do not be a slave to your emotions. He hit the nail right on the head with this observation. I have been a slave to my emotions. It’ like my emotions are in control of me, and I am just a spectator. Watching as my life passes by me, and suffering from being a slave.  But I am the one who has control over this, at least I think I do. But I do not obviously if I’m writing this blog. If any of my readers have a suggestion, I am open to it. I have been this way my whole life . And let me tell you, It has gotten me into trouble numerous times. It has made me impulsive. I react before I think about the consequences. SO much to work on. I can only handle so much. My friend “Bob” told me that he admires me, because of all the shit I have been through, and I still am here. I haven’t given up, even if it feels like I have given up. I am to chicken to commit suicide, so I guess I have to survive. I have to press on, even if it hurts, or is to difficult to do.

Well once again I thank you for reading. I hope it helps in some way. Please leave a comment if you feel the urge to share your opinion. Thanks again for all your support. Stay strong!!!

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2 responses to “Confusion

  1. You sound to me like a person possibly coming close to the conclusion that part or all of your confusion is a problem in and of itself and not just a necessary state of being to problem solving. Yes you can control this, but you also have to control the physical symptoms of bipolar disorder which are definitely not as accessible to change. The right drug can do something for yourself that you are physically unable to do, You can be free of feeling like a slave in your body, you can be comfortable in your skin.

  2. Thank you so much for your insight. I will definitely think about this. As far as meds are concerned, I am a little leary. I gained so much weight on mood stablizers, and I have just lost most of it, I would hate to gain it all back again. But I do hope one of these days I can feel comfortable in my skin.

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