Transformation

Just got done reading Manson’s autobiography. Marilyn that is. I don’t know why it took so long for me to read, seeing how he is on of my favorite artists but I felt I read it at a time in my life when I needed that. I was very impressed with his book. It’s helping me to open artistic abilities even more. He preaches just to be yourself, and fuck everybody else. I totally agree. People are afraid of things they have no clue about. If I listen to Marilyn Manson then I must be a devil worshiper. Or if I wear black lipstick Etc…

I enjoy being different as I go about this pitiful life. I grow deeper and darker. My hate for anything good grows stronger with each breath. I despise people that are happy, because most of them are fake and are just fooling themselves.

Today is day one that I am locking myself in my room. I want nothing more to do with people. All they care about are themselves, and their pathetic lives. I am tired of opening up to people, just to be told my shortcomings. Why can’t you accept me for who I am? So tired of being hurt over and over. When  I am alone, I can be whoever I want to be and not be judged. It’s better this way. Fuck the pill pushers too. They say if you take this pill you will feel better. Then when I do not take the pill they blame not taking the pill as the cause of my unhappiness, when realistically it is others around me that make me unhappy. I want to just disappear. Disappear to a place where I am the God, I make the calls, I’m in control of everything. But tucked away in my room I am God, so I think I am. I answer to nobody here. I’m not around people who are always anylizing me, telling me I’m this or I’m that.

So as I continue to grow deeper into my hate, and my love for people dissipates, I will emerge as something I was born to be. A dark angel of the underworld. A dark angel who preys on the souls of others. A dark angel who will force people to see that their lives are nothing more than a fabrication of their imagination.

From this day forward, I refuse to let people in, I must protect myself. I must remain true to myself. This is my destiny.

I’m going to lay in bed now and think about my new life. A life without people. I will be my best friend. I will lie here and dream of all the possibilities in front of me. Fuck people!!! Who needs them. Now I don’t have to worry about being accepted, as long as I accept myself, I’m content with that……

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