I had a revelation while reading today. It just popped in my head. I asked myself why I was shutting myself off to the world. Just because a few people did not like who I am? How lame is this? There are millions of people who will accept me just the way I am, and I am letting a few people destroy me? Stop sulking I tell myself. I mean yeah there are things I need to change about myself, but people will still except for who I am. Plus, I am being a hypocrite in a way. I preach just be yourself and fuck everybody else, but here I am worrying over what a few people think of me. This totally goes against what I believe in. So I decided not to shut myself off to the world. There are others like me who need me. Others I can relate too. I just need to find them, and hopefully I will find them through my writing. But why do this to myself? I have survived so much in my life, I have come so far to let a few people destroy me. I mean I still want to be a Dark Angel, or something to that degree. I want to learn more about Satanism, and what it portrays. I feel this is one of my callings.
Even though I am not shutting myself off to the world, I will be on guard for now on. I will be careful who I let in my heart, if I let anyone there at all. I have learned a lesson, and I have the few people to thank, even though they judge me. I will continue to write, and hopefully find myself through it. I always wanted to write, but I was to lazy, to afraid what I may find. But not anymore. I will write when I feel I have something to write about. Whether it scares me or not. I will immerse myself into my writing. Why not right? I’m not hurting anyone by writing, or maybe I will hurt someone by writing, I cannot see that far into the future. But I will continue to be myself, and if you or anybody else doesn’t like it, well to bad. If you are reading my blogs you obviously like what I have to say. And I thank you for reading. It means a lot to me. I hope I may say something that will challenge you sometimes, or something that you can relate too, to know that you are not alone.
I cannot say that I feel better, but I do feel like I took a big step in my life. I won’t let others tear me down with their ideals about me. Sure I can always use advice, I am at least open to that. I need advice sometimes. But if it cuts me down, or judges me anyway, I won’t listen. I want to surround myself with people that can relate to what I have been through, and what I am going through. Whether it be young, old, black, white, it doesn’t matter.
Well thanks again for reading, your comments are always welcomed, even if I disagree with it. Take care and stay strong!!!!